May 2010
26 posts
April 2010
17 posts
On this fine Wednesday morning, Molly Johnson, Elle Prior, and I took a quick trip to Chick-Fil-A right before Christian Dynamics class. We had sped faster than the speed of light in Doctor Noise-Clearwater, my car, to get there just in time for class to begin. We parked the car and I swiftly got out of the car and shut my door and started walking inside. Elle and Molly proceed to laugh at me and yell, “Mary! Are you kidding me turn your damn car off!” I turn around and realize I left the key in the ignition with the engine running. Fayle Gower strikes again.
Ms. Gentry whooped my ass today just like I predicted she would. I was in such a gleeful mood this morning and thought nothing could bring me down. The second I walked into class, which was after the bell had rung, she stuck a quiz I have yet to take in my face and made me go outside and take it right then. I knew absolutely nothing that was on that page. Initial outcome: 4/47. I got a 14.81 percent. I am going to burn her. Watch out Gentry, I am coming for you.
Davis Priester is gojj.
Today, in Psychology class Doc Roc said, “God told me to come, so I did.” I decided to take the immature route and say that’s what she said. I got a laugh out of Libby and Matt but after I made that comment I felt so dirty. Not only is that sacrilegious, but how much more wrong can I get? I have been cursed with this disease and such a disease as this one is incurable. Thanks Jorden Pense. Whenever someone says the word: come, in a sentence I immediately gravitate towards the phrase, that’s what she said. No matter what the case. I am sorry for those who are friends with me, I pity you. I must go repent now. Oh, and she got a new wig. I complemented on it when she walked in. She said this one was softer. Sorry for breaking the news to those of you that don’t know: yes, it is a wig.
I am going climbing tonight with maggie and hopefully ali. Glee is on tonight! Life is rocking right now. I have something to do every single weekend until the end of school and of course after that everyday will be a huge party. This weekend consists of: Kick Ass and The Boosh. Buckfest. this one party thing…..Next weekend is Steeplewaste and the boys graduation party. The weekend after that is my graduation party and Operation Domination will be put into action. God is good.
My mom and I live in the same household and are complete strangers. We have never been close and will always have our differences that always seem to get the best of our behavior. Little does she know, I look up to her more than anyone else in the world. No one else in this God forsaken world will ever love me more than my mother. I am not sure why it is so hard for me to show affection towards my mom. Maybe because she is the only person who has stood by my side in everything I do and wanted the best for me even before she knew me. I am also not so sure why I gravitate towards those who have done me wrong, to those who have hurt me. I guess that is just how it works sometimes, us always going back to those difficult times. Why are humans so messed up?
My mom is constantly looking out for me and I am always on her mind. A lot of the time she is very smothering and does not know when to keep her mouth shut but we all have our flaws. I am practically the only thing she has left and I am never not her center of attention. I take her for granted every day of my life. I am consistenlty trying to cover up how good my life really is by saying my dad’s dead or we have little money, and last but not least, saying my mom is so annoying and I wish she would disappear. I am the most selfish person on this planet. I have way too many pity parties for myself and they need to find their finale. I have never given my mom credit for anything. She works her ass off every day just to make ends meet. I am not saying we don’t ever struggle with money but we are well off. She gets up at around 6 every day and drives her butt thirty minutes to work Sunday through Thursday and she has a side job on top of that in which she goes to on Friday’s. She never gets to participate in any of my school functions or help out with school activities either. I know I tell her I could care less if she did but really I do. I thought her working all the time would be the greatest thing ever because I would barely get to see her but now whenever she actually is home she only talks to me about what I need to do or what I am doing wrong. It sucks rats ass.
I should be grateful for a mother who cares so much about her child but that’s why I keep so many secrets from her. She knows barely anything about me and I hate that. I hope that when I go away to college that we will be best friends. She won’t be able to control me anymore and I can go about my life the way I want. I really do want us to be close but it will have to wait until i’ve moved out. I really do love her more than anyone else in the world. She has sacrificed the past 18 years of her life trying to take care of me. I am disgusted by my inability to recognize true love. I have been engulfed by false pride and cursed with the ability to shun the people I love away.
-get out: circa survive
I feel like I am always watching That 70’s Show…
The musical is over and Guys and Dolls is probably the last show I will ever star in. I was only a Havana dancer but the experience always outweighs the part. I never thought I would miss that prostitute Barney costume. Damn. Jorden, Leah, and Mary came to the show and it made me so happy. Too bad they were the only ones able to experience my sexiness in that outfit.
I finished my senior journal portfolio. HALLE-FREAKIN-LUJAH. Ten, two page papers have been written and placed into a scrapbook filled with pictures and memories. All I gotta say is that Ms. Lovell better slap a big fat A on that thing.
I cannot stop thinking about summer. It is the only thing on my mind. I have given up on school completely and have no idea what is going on in my math class. Gentry is going to woop my ass come Tuesday. With senior prank on the mind and summer shows coming up, there is not much I can do to keep my mind on school track. I just bought my ticket to Kadawatha, Paramore, Tegan and Sara, and New Found Glory for August 21st. Shout out to Emmie Moscheo. That show will be the most renowned experience I will probably ever experience. No, I take that back. That WILL be the most incredible experience I could ever be a part of. I never thought I would see Paper Route and Paramore together and it happened. I never thought I would see Paramore and Kadawatha together in one show. It is happening. All that is left is Mew and Paramore. OH HOLY FATHER OF ALL THINGS THAT ARE HOLY, MAKE IT HAPPEN!
Shows this summer: Honda Civic Tour with Paramore. Justin Bieber on August 11. Ke$ha in ATL. Hopefully tour with Veritas a little bit. -Glory days.
Bring it on summer of ‘10.
Sometimes I look at people dating around me, and think how I would act in a relationship. Yeah, I’ve had one relationship before but that thing lasted for about two months and there was no physical contact what-so-ever, so I really have nothing to compare it to. A lot of the time I wonder what it would be like to be with someone you truly care about. I can’t even imagine it actually. It seems redundant to me. I cannot picture myself with one person and waking up every day thinking to myself, man I just can’t wait to see my boo today. I feel like I am ready for a boyfriend at different times. Occasionally it is all the time, but other times I’m like, oh nah I don’t want a boyfriend at all I would hate it. But then there comes the idea of having that certain someone always there for you or just someone to be close to. That person that knows everything about you, kind of person. And of course who wouldn’t want to have that person to cuddle with on a Saturday night, on the couch, watching a movie? PICK ME! That would just be so great. But oh no, Mary doesn’t deserve that. Nope not her.
I always seem to attract either the weird guy or someone who I would never date. Now I am not saying i have a specific type or anything like that but you know what I mean, the kind of person that just wouldn’t work. I like the chase but once I get what I thought I wanted I don’t want it anymore or just don’t know what to do with it. Like with this one guy, I liked the chase but once I finally had him I didn’t know what to do with him. I got scared and insecure. I’m a well deserved awkward person in the first place so that does not defend my case. People that I would date or those I am attracted to either are way out of my league or consider me the best friend. What the eff man, can I not get my way this once!? The ones I would totally date push me away and treat me as one of the bro’s. Now don’t get me wrong I would rather be considered one of the guys rather than not be around them at all but sometimes it gets aggravating. Why can’t this one cute guy think of me more than a bud? Oh well, maybe God intends for me to be a nun. That would fucking suck.
I was watching That 70’s Show today and Fez had this girlfriend that broke up with him by telling him she was becoming a nun and was joining the convent at the end of the week. He told her she was an ungrateful bastard. Hah.
Maybe this summer will bring a pleasant surprise.
i am eccentric.
i am complex.
i am difficult.
i am stubborn.
i am a liar.
i am talented.
i am smart.
i am sarcastic.
i am sensitive.
i am gullible.
i am strange.
i am a coward.
i am different.
i am a tomboy.
i am perverted.
i am strong.
i am loved.
i am impatient.
i am lucky.
i am a dancing fiend.
i am worthit.
i am me.
Eight years ago, today, my father died of Melanoma Cancer. On the other hand the day has not been as bad as I thought it would be. I have not thought about it as much or reminisced as much as I would prefer but I guess not thinking about it makes my mood a bit more appealing. Madeline Thomas just drew a girl with huge high pig-tails on the board in Tolkien class. Her name is Felicity. She is blue. And has a butt chin. Oh and a Giraffe neck. Elle spoke during Spiritual Life Assembly today and did a fair job. She had a simple but genuine speech. She talked about her pet chicken, which sounds kind of lame but it was heartfelt. Yay.
I have had a few major freakouts these past couple of weeks. Some of which I cannot talk about for quite some time. People will forgive me in the future…hopefully. This whole musical thing really took a tole on me because I am the biggest one out of the group of 8 girls. Now I am not saying I am overweight or fat in the slightest bit because I definitely know I am not. It just sucks booty standing next to people like Elle Prior, Katie Evatt, and Claire Brandon. Girls that are as skinny and beautiful as the rising sun. But I have come to realize that I do not need to look like everybody else, I mean duh. What has Debs been telling me all along, that I am who I am. Who I Am- Nick Jonas.
It so surreal thinking once again about college. If you did not know I will be attending UTC in the fall. I picked up my cap and gown today, along with my 2010 Mary Gower mug. I have never been more excited in my life about that mug. I for serious was jumping up and down screaming with joy. This joy was unlike any other joy. It was almost like when Kourtney Kardashian pulled her baby out of her vag on national television. Just like that. I am trying to switch out of the dorm I am in now to a different one but the process is endearing. When the whole roommate thing works out I will be content.
Now see there I go again with the whole, “after this obstacle is over then everything will be okay.” I have gotten to the point where I feel this constant ache of worry and anticipation. There is ceaseless aching in my stomach. It seriously never stops. When I wake up in the morning until I go to bed at night. No matter if I have something to look forward to, worry about, be anxious for, or anything like that. There is always the never-ending sense of torment. It causes me to be numb to everyone and everything around me. It is agonizing. I think the last resort will have to be going to see a specialist. Why is it that Mom’s always seem to have the right perception of discernment on things? Curse you.
9 Fruits is my obsession. I try and go there every chance I get. The people there are so nice and they remembered my name even the second time I went. I feel so welcome there and I have been graced with the presence of Tim Tebow and Hayley Williams on a couple of occasions. Love it.
I played at Narthex Unplugged at my church this past Saturday and it was so much fun. I was able to play guitar and piano and sing at the same time! I know, insane. I played four songs: Give Me Your Eyes, Let’s Hold Hands, City, and of course last but not least One Time by Justin Bieber. Don’t hate. It was a surprise and I had only told two people about it. It came on shuffle that morning and I was like, “Oh my gosh, I have to play this.” Yeah..and that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I have a newfound obsession with a girl named Bea from CPA. Her voice was absolutely idyllic and she owned that stage in every way possible. I was sitting in indian style, back stage, on the floor, in absolute awe of this girl whose range literally scaled up to a high F. Her guitar skills were prime and she was the cutest thing I have ever seen with her moccasins and flowered dress. There was also a boy in a band that sounded like Creed and we called him Batman Boy because he had a beltbuckle that had a Batman logo on it. Therefore, Batman Boy. This made him too-legit-to-quit. I liked him.
I am trying to lust towards loving life and making it the best it can be and by doing that I am keeping everything in perspective. That is kinda my new thing, “keeping it in perspective.” Thank you Savannah Ellis. Worrying about unavailing things is not worth my time.
Caty Dalton is cool. Oh, and so is Jordan Sherman.
So, I am currently watching That 70’s Show and Eric Foreman is about to leave for Africa to earn tuition money to pay for college. All the kids from Point Place are getting older and moving on with their lives. Jackie has moved to Chicago and Hyde now has the posession of his own record store. This scares me to think that in just a few short months I will be moving on, away from my friends, to a strange and new place called, Collegeland. Now don’t get me wrong, I am totally psyched for it but there is a part of me that says I won’t grow up. At this point in my life I would be completely content with staying a teenager forever. I know 18 is supposed to be considered an “adult” but we all know that is downright bullshit. The typical 18 year old is one of the most immature, conceited, self-righteous type of person. Yes there are those few exceptions that can take on the world right now but for the most of us, the real world seems like an eternal front seat in the center of The Death Star. Growing up scares the shit out of me. And since I worry about every little thing there is not much I can do but have pessimistic thoughts toward the future. I fear that I won’t find a husband, make new and close friends, become homeless, or that I’ll end up on one of the Good Will billboards that say, “You help me live my life.” My mind is a frightening place…not very many people get to visit.
It took me six years to appreciate Brentwood Academy. Well, not so much the fundamentals of it or the way they handle things, but the people I am surrounded by. Some of them piss me off, a few are rat-tastic weirdo’s, and some are the coolest people I’ve ever met. I hope that most of the best friends I have now will carry on for the rest of my life. I just hate hearing story’s from people that are grown up now and more than half their friends from high school are not even a part of their lives anymore. My friends mean everything to me and if I lost more than half of them, my life would be meaningless. And I know that I will end up moving on and will meet new people but as of right now that is not at the top of my list. My list consists of, getting through college, finding a boo, getting a black cat, and having a house in dtf (downtown frankniddy). But I’m also dtf :] Not really. But really…
Okay fine it’s just a phrase.
I went to see The Last Song at 9:30 in Green Hills last Wednesday night. Now, gladly I admit that I am not a mighty Miley Cyrus fan, but I was quite pleased with the way the movie turned out, although there were some minor setbacks in the end. I thought Cyrus’s performance was a good bit short of extraordinary. I was not convinced by her execution and representation of Ronnie, the struggling rebellious teenager of the story’s, badass lifestyle. She could “pull it off” adequately enough for those who did not know her well enough as, Hannah Montana. I could just not get it out of my head that she will forever and always be known as Hannah Montana, the girl who has the best of both worlds. She will forevermore take precedence of that title and she cannot do anything about it, sorry Miley. Even though she does look hot with her new nose ring does not mean that just exempts her from that eternal label.
The movie is also played off to be one of the year’s best new films. I regretfully do not agree. I really do wish I could say, “Oh, it was by far the most heart-wrenching movie I ever did see, and I just wish I could be Miley and make out with Liam Hensworth over and over and over again in the ocean water of the Florida coastline.” But pathetically enough that is just not the case. I did however bawl my eyes out. Yes. I cried in a Miley Cyrus movie. But it was all credited towards the small but prodigously talented, Bobby Coleman. I have never had a child actor have such an affective impact on me than he did. Throughout the entire movie his performance exceeded beyond my expectations to such great heights (thank you Postal Service). When Qualman, who plays Jonah, Ronnie’s annoying but clever little brother, has to cry in multiple scenes it is the most emotionally believable thing I have ever seen. When he cried, I wailed. The entire room was estrogen filled and I was by far the most emotional one surprisingly enough. Ronnie and Jonah’s dad had been diagnosed with Cancer and he was not expected to live much longer. I related to the plot so much that my intuition was to cry and return to dispairing places I had not visited in a while. It hit a soft spot in me that had not been trifled with in a long time. Ronnie had to watch her father die an unfortunate and painful death, but it is not as bitter as it sounds. He got to spend time with his daughter and he went in peace in the end. My father died in the tranquility of a single room, a hospital bed, and his new-founded faith. I did not get to spend as much time with him as I would of liked before he died, but I know for a solid fact that I was the most important thing in his life after God. The cool thing is that he became a Christian right before her went into a coma. I thank God every time I think about it. I had to watch my dad literally die a little bit more each day and every day he would lose more and more hair, and his knowledge and keen sense of mind deteriorated like the slow tick of a clock. But I still am thankful for the remaining months I did get to experience with him. I am nothing short of grateful.
